The answer is simple. By reading myself. If I don’t read, how can I model that behaviour for my children.
We feel that the more we tell our children to do the right things like reading the more we are being good parents. The truth is that our children learn more from what we are than what we teach.
Our children are listening to what we say and are watching what we do. Children pick up most of their parents’ habits. Be aware of what you say and do.
If our children see us tossing our clothes after changing or keeping the wet towel on the bed after a bath, that is what they will learn to do. If they see us fold the clothes neatly, put them in the cupboard and put the wet towel in the appropriate place to dry, they will imbibe those habits.
If they see us brushing after meals and taking a daily bath and keeping our appearances neat and clean, that is what they will grow up to be largely. If they see us doing some form of meditation, doing some form of exercise, resting enough and writing our journal before going to bed, they will start emulating our actions one by one and slowly make those habits their.
If they detect our emphasis on marks through our words and actions, they may grow to be fiercely competitive. Since the results of our actions can vary, when there is failure, the children can get disappointed and frustrated. Comparing their performance with others, telling them to ensure they continue receiving the scholarship, asking them about other’s performance – all these indicate that we may not be totally happy with our children’s performance. And they can detect these signals through our words, tone and gestures.
Some of us are not careful with our language around our children. And that is difficult if we are using that kind of language in other situations, say with friends. We cannot be someone with some people and someone totally different with others. It may have been cool to swear when we were younger. What purpose does it serve now? Can we speak lovingly to everyone and make the world a better place? One of my teachers, Louise Hay says, whatever be the question, love is always the answer.
Most of us received a spanking at home and at school. I still remember the hitting of the ruler on the knuckles. It was so painful. Did the teachers have our good intentions in mind and do that so that we would remember the pain and not repeat our mistakes? I don’t know. But such actions send a signal to the child that Hitting is ok! Teachers today are more mindful of their actions. Are we as parents?
We struggle with different aspects of Parenting because we are not formally taught any skills. And many of us believe that parenting cannot be taught. It is an innate calling. While that is true in parts, most of us have learnt about parenting from our parents and elders who learnt from their parents and elders. Times have changed. There are new philosophies like conscious parenting and non-violent communication that we can infuse into our parenting. We can identify our fears that are a cause of constant friction with our children.
At Joyhamesha, we offer a 6-week coaching journey to
- address the struggles as parents
- learn to parent consciously
- enjoy the parenting journey
We address the concerns and apprehensions of
1. To be parents
2. Parents of toddlers
3. Parents of teenagers
4. Parents of adults
Connect with Anamika on WA at +91 9769355585 for details.
Please Note: This article is written with the concept of “nurture”. There is also the concept of “nature”. E.g. You child may have the tendency to read even if you don’t.